Starting a list of weird things I say to my kid that I never thought I’d say:

1) Biting with excitement is still not ok.

2) You cannot turn the tv on with your pizza.

3) It’s not nice to try and pop peoples heads off when you hug them.

These gems are from this morning. Yes, I let my kid have cold pizza for breakfast. Judge me, fuckers.

4) I don’t think it’s a good idea to play chase with the dog and run thru the house naked.

5) People don’t like to be yelled by other naked people.

Anonymous Asked:
But breasts ARE sexual organs? They release oxytocin when stimulated, that makes them sexual.



ive had to deal w this argument before ok listen here

boobs do the oxytocin thing when theyre stimulated yes, nipples are an erogenous zone. Men’s nipples do this too. Now read over those two sentences and let the double standard dawn on you okay? Think about it if both kinds of nips release oxytocin when you do the touch touch on them, why is only one kind of nip considered a sexual nip? sexism that’s why

it’s ridiculous and technically makes a dude’s nipples more inappropriate than a lady’s nipples because boy nipples serve virtually no other purpose than to be stimulated by temperature change or by sexual activity, while girl nipples serve the added purpose of oh you know, feeding babies no big deal

but nah man nah both can be aroused so both nips are sexual or no nips are so make up your mind

you know where else is an erogenous zone?? ears. Are you wearing an ear bra/?? Why the fuck arent you wearing your fucking ear bra you trash put on yoourfucking ear bra youre not allowed to show your fucking ears thats so inappropriate and its makinng me horny its distracting me from my school work youre not following the dresscode wear your fucking ear bra yo ufucking


Oxytocin is a BONDING hormone that makes females feel warm and fuzzy and loving.

Now why could that be?


You know, those small, underdeveloped and helpless little beings that, lacking our tender mercies, would basically be a fucking canapé for anything with teeth?!

The reason stimulation of the nipples produces oxytocin is because we’re bonding with our fucking infants, not so you can dingle your dongle at the boobies.

Fuck, the world does not revolve around your dick, godDAMN.

This is funny and makes a neat point.

I loved then so much as a show couple that I really wanted them to be a real couple.

(Source: halpertjames, via freakelitist)


Nothing like getting laid off just before you were about to enjoy a long weekend with friends and family from out if town!!

Guess I should look at the bright side and see this for the gift it truly is. The longest weekend everrrrrrrrrr.

Goodbye 6 years at this place!! It’s been real bending over backwards for you and getting little to nothing in return!!

Found out this morning that shaving your legs in a bad mood turns into rage shaving and you end up slicing off your shins and knees.

My favorite part of the yearly women’s physical, now and forever, will always be the tiny, paper bolero jacket they give you to wear, open to the front, that would barely cover a flea’s ass. Because this whole process isn’t fun enough without it.

Thanks Docs everywhere!


8-bit Star Wars 

Created by Dylan Tapp


They’re so cute and happy!

(via chubbynerfherder-jake)

Celebrate the puppies for national dog day! Even the ones who are obviously up to no good… #nationaldogday #dog #dogsofinstagram #hesalittlebrat

Celebrate the puppies for national dog day! Even the ones who are obviously up to no good… #nationaldogday #dog #dogsofinstagram #hesalittlebrat